So you want the recipe for those Cookies? How do we make that Organic Turkey soup with wild rice and mushrooms so rich? We’ll get to those secrets soon enough but first we’ve got to interview you and get you trained.
You’re one of us now.
Aloha, how nice to meet you! We’re happy you want to enter into a relationship with us at the Kilauea Bakery. In your case we will be filling the kitchen slave position. Sorry, you’ve got to start at the bottom like everyone else. Let’s begin; Do you have a pulse? Do you have a phone number? A car? Do you live in your car? No? Excellent. Any experience in the kitchen? Yes? How much? We’re hoping for a little but not too much. That’s the kind of experience we need. If it’s actual professional commercial kitchen experience and you actually know something then we may have a problem. We can’t use you. Demographically that puts you into the slot of someone who will only put up with us for as long as it takes you to get a better paying and more prestigious job at a nearby resort hotel. You people don’t take us seriously. It’s as if we’re a small no account Pizza joint. Why is a Bakery or Pizza shop any less respectable than a “fine” dinner restaurant? Maybe it’s the white chef coat or the air conditioning. Air conditioning… wouldn’t that be refreshing.
Oh, you like the concept of cooking? You don’t have any commercial kitchen experience but you bake a lot at home? You’ve been a customer for years and it always looked like it’d be fun to work here? Did you just say you’ve just left a well paying professional career and now you need to stay active and would love to work with people? We’re sorry for taking up your time. Thanks for coming in but this just won’t work out between us.
Wait, I see from your application that you’re young and new to the island and have some work experience at Starbucks. Hmmm, you’re not too big to squeeze around in this pathetically crowded kitchen. Not too short to reach heavy things on the high shelves. You appear strong and energetic, good teeth and healthy… enough. No scabs, good color, hair needs to be tied back. We can’t do much about the tattoos and tongue stud but that’s what they’re wearing these days. You live in a house and not on the beach? Good, because we only hire the homeless after hurricanes. You seem able to put words and thoughts together quickly and have a generally sunny disposition. Maybe we can use you.
How long do you plan to live here on Kauai? You just moved here with your best friend and you’re going to stay forever? They all say that. Well, we’ll try you out. By my estimate you’re good for the average six months to a year if you can keep it together. If you can pay the rent, if you can keep your car running and get here on time, if you don’t hike into the Kalalau valley never to return. Camping there with the other neo-natives and naked survivalists can be habit forming.
Can you start today?
To be continued…